I woke up, to find myself in crushing darkness. Something made my heart collapse; it was the dream, the disruption from the dream or the sudden darkness, I can’t say. But before I could resolve this, I noticed my throat was choked in an attempt to imprison the scream that was wrestling to come out and vomit the sudden strange and overpowering pain I had just encountered. The next instant I was scared, which is strange because since childhood I’ve never been scotophobic.
But this was only one of the things that had changed in my life…
I remembered that it was some pain my dream that had triggered my sudden awakening in search of light, but the blinding darkness left me numb. I had nothing to fight that excruciating pain now, which started to possess me again, now stronger than it was in my trance rendering me incapable even to contain myself physically ,forcing me to curl myself up in defense as I usually do.
Its intensity could have killed me had I not had a desire to stay alive.
As the haziness in my mind cleared out, and I tried to figure what exactly it was that woke me up, I got the most obvious answer. The stimulus was not a dream, but the same haunting memory that attacks my consciousness each time I can’t contain myself. A memory so powerful that in spite of being rusted by time, it was able to cause me enough pain; even in subconscious.
I didn’t want to remember the pain I felt when I had encountered the memory’s blueprint.
Its strange how there always existed a light inside me that shielded me from every emotional turmoil in life, the light which enabled me never to be afraid of darkness, even as a child. But then my childhood was secure from handling this emotion. It’s strange how one person can devastate you without using a bullet. The light inside me had extinguished.
A part of me was dead.
The darkness kept me engulfed for a time that would have seemed infinite; but the sunlight filtered through the window, dissolving the numbness, fighting the darkness that was crushing me, injecting strength in me that was just enough to keep me alive for a day, but also giving me hope to find back the light in me;
To conquer the darkness and be alive again.
PS : Power cut in the hostel at 4 o' clock in morning can be dangerous.
The first and last lines are absolutely true, rest is 50% imagination.
